3 Years Old

Thursday, December 29 (bedtime conversation):
P: Mom? Why do some brides marry mans with silly hair?

M: Well, because that’s who they love. Maybe one day you will marry someone with silly hair.
P (looking horrified): No, I don’t want that. I want someone with HANDSOME hair.

Tuesday, December 27:
“My brain is hot.” (Later, we figured out that she meant she had a headache.)

Friday, November 25 (during prayers):
P: Where is God? Is He up in a tree?
M: He is everywhere, listening to you all the time.
P: But how can He hear all the people everywhere? How does He do that?
M: Because He is very strong and powerful and He can do things that we can’t.
P: But is He stronger than my father?
M: He’s stronger than everyone.
P (leaning in for emphasis): But is He stronger than MY FATHER?
M: Yes, baby.
P: But I am stronger than Him.
M: He is stronger than everyone. He made you. He made your muscles. He picked you up and put you in my belly so you could grow.
P: But I do not know what color his hair is.
M: I don’t either, honey.
P: (gives me a super tight hug)
M: Wow, that was a good squeeze!
P: Tol’ you I’m stronger than Him.
M: Goodnight, sweetie.
P (as I’m exiting the room): Mom? MOM! But where IS Heaven?

This is gonna be a long night.

Wednesday, October 26:
P: Mom, when you were a teacher, you teached really big kids?
M: REALLY big. Some of them were even taller than me!
P: Even taller than my MOM? (Pause.) Then I will tell them to grow small again.

Monday, September 12 (while doing a sticker project):
P: You’re helping me so well. I will keep you.
M: Oh you will, eh?
P: Yes. If you are not nice to me, then I will get a new mom and a new dad. But today I will keep you.

Monday, September 12:
P: Your friend’s baby will be born soon? At the hospital?
M: Yes! Very soon. Are you excited?
P: But how does a baby get OUT of a tummy?
*Everything screeches to a halt. I try desperately to maintain my composure.*
P: Does it bounce out?
M: No, not usually.
P: Then how does it swim out?
M: Well, a mommy pushes it out.
*I quickly change the subject. Think we’re over it. Twenty minutes later…*
P: MOM. But WHERE does the baby SWIM OUT?

Thursday, September 1:
“Did you know that Superman can save the day? When someone doesn’t have a mother, he will save the day. That’s his job. …I have to smile when I see Superman.”

Sunday, August 28:
P: Mom, are we the same age?
M: No, we are not. I’m much older than you.
P: Well, if I’m sitting in my car seat, then I’m close to your age.

Wednesday, August 24 (while sitting in a restaurant):
P: I am CHILLY. (Stares down at goosebumped arm, amazed.) LOOK how long my fur is!

Thursday, July 7:
P: Mommy, I have to tell you somefing. Daddy is being a mean guy, and I would like a different dad, please.
M: Why is he being a mean guy?
P: Because I am not listening.

Wednesday, July 6 (after watching a snippet of Babe):
P: Why is Babe so sad?
M: Because they’re taking his mommy away. Wouldn’t you be sad if someone took away your mommy?
P: Oh, yes. When they take you away for bacon, I will miss you.

Sunday, July 3:
P: He’s a cowboy? Does he ride a cow?
D: Um, no. (Pause.) I guess you’ve found a pretty crucial flaw in the system.

Saturday, July 2:
Daddy: Please quiet down a little.
P: Well, I have to scream.
D: You don’t, actually.
P: But I do, becaauuuse it makes sense for me.

Tuesday, June 28:
P: Mom, look. I put on conditioner and my hair is fluffy and smooth.
M: Mm, it smells like oranges and vanilla.
P: Um, actually, it smells like cinnamon and sky juice.

Wednesday, June 15:
P: One day when I am five, I will ride on a horse with a sparkly orange tail and his name will be Orange. And he will not have hands.
M: No, you’re right. Horses have hooves.
*long pause*
P: Well, that’s ridiculous.

Saturday, June 11 (bumper to bumper — yes, on a Saturday — while heading to our new house on moving day):
“Mommy, I can help you fight the traffic. I will do it with my sword. I will break the cars and move them to the side. I will jump out that window and fight those cars and jump back in.”

Saturday, May 7 (on our way home from gymnastics):
P: Whew. My breath is out of my legs.
M: What do you mean, honey?
P: You know. Breath is energy.

Friday, May 6 (while watching The Little Mermaid together):
P: People with foots do not like storms. Only Ariel with fins likes storms.
M: Oh, yeah? …Look! There’s the merman who is in charge of the ocean. Do you remember his name?
P: King Daddy.

Friday, April 8 (after we noticed that she’d grabbed Daddy’s amber necklace off the counter when we weren’t looking):
“I can wear this because my heart is beating really fast and it is telling me that I can wear this yellow necklace.”

Saturday, April 2 (upon bursting awake from a nap in the backseat of the car — P.S. Easter was almost a week ago):
“Did you know that when it’s Spring, the Easter Bunny will be SO BUSY, just workin’ on things?”

Wednesday, March 23 (during bedtime prayers a few days after her father’s tonsillectomy):
P: Mom. PLEASE pray for Daddy’s voice to heal so he can yell at me when I do not listen.

Tuesday, March 15 (after P taught herself how to loosen her own car seat straps):
D: Honey, never, NEVER do that. Those need to stay tight while we’re driving. Otherwise, if we hit something, you might go flying.
P: I would have a cape?

Saturday, March 6
P: What if I was a shark, and I would chomp you up? What would you do?
M: I would say, “Hey! I am your mommy, Peaches Shark! You do not get to chomp me. Give me a hug instead.”
P: I do not have arms. I’m a shark, ‘member?