Nov 30 2015

No Negativity November: the Debriefing

No Negativity November: the Debriefing

As this month wound to a close, I thought it would be funny to stage a meeting with Al in order to evaluate the efficacy of No Negativity November.

Earlier this evening, I approached him with an administrative-looking clipboard and set my phone on a nearby table. “It’s time to debrief,” I told him.

“What do you mean? Debrief about what?”

“It’s very official.”

“You’re still in your sweatpants.”

“Absolutely,” I said. “Now, I’m going to record this interview, okay? I will report this verbatim.”

He played along. I knew he would. I also knew he had exactly zero idea what was going on, as he doesn’t read my blog. Luckily, he seemed amused. I pressed record. Continue reading

Oct 31 2015

It’s Halloween Day

It’s Halloween Day

I’ve never in my life experienced an eighty-degree Halloween — but then again, I’ve never experienced Halloween in California.

P didn’t care WHAT the temperature was. She has been counting down the seconds until she could wear her Elsa dress. This morning, when I went to get her out of bed, she knew the time had come.

“It’s Halloween day?!” she gasped. Everything is a day — she says things like morning day and evening day instead of just “in the evening.” No idea where she got that, but it kills me. Continue reading

Oct 15 2015

Pumpkin Patch Redux

Pumpkin Patch Redux

So we tried again.

This past weekend, we drove alllll the way back to the pumpkin patch for a redo. It was important to me that P be able to replace her “yucky” memories with new ones — and I needed to do the same. Part of phobics’ irrationality is that we tend to associate completely unrelated things with the sick event, even though we know they don’t really have anything to do with anything. (i.e. “I wore this outfit the last time someone threw up. Better not wear this outfit anymore.” Or we might remember the exact date of the last time we got sick and then become uneasy around that same date every year. Ridiculous, right? We know.) Anyway, since the pumpkin patch threatened to become a semi-scary place, I forced myself to go back ASAP.

What a relief to see the happy, non-feverish version of P! First stop: the face-painting clowns. She chose the glittery rainbow option and sat exceptionally still. Continue reading

Oct 8 2015

Confessions of an Emetophobic Parent Pumpkin Patch Fail

<span class="entry-title-primary">Confessions of an Emetophobic Parent</span> <span class="entry-subtitle">Pumpkin Patch Fail</span>

It’s October, which means it’s almost Halloween, which means I’m allowed to tell you a horror story.

For most of you, this will not be a horror story at all. This will sound like a standard, Duh-You-Have-A-Toddler-What-Did-You-Expect? story, and if you have kids, no doubt you will have been there, done that. But I am a parent who has an irrational fear of throwing up, and I can only see this experience through that lens. Continue reading

Sep 21 2015

Waxing Nostalgic: 9 Tips for 9 Months

Waxing Nostalgic: 9 Tips for 9 Months

If you graduated in the late ’90s, you might remember “Wear Sunscreen,” the faux commencement speech by columnist Mary Schmich. It was so ubiquitous that Baz Luhrmann even turned it into a song and all the radio stations ran it on repeat. The advice is timeless; I played it for my sophomores every year during our mini unit on aphorisms, and they always connected with several “truth nuggets,” as I called them. (The kids’ overwhelming favorite: “Do one thing every day that scares you.”)

The whole thing is a laundry list of beautiful suggestions, but the speech cleverly concludes with some advice about advice: “Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia.” And it’s right around now — when the joy and amazement and pain and fear surrounding the birth process has started to fade — that I start to miss being pregnant.

I always do.

In the middle of it, sometimes it seems to take forever. So many months with no alcohol, so many uncomfortable symptoms, so many nights wondering if you will EVER sleep again or if you might as well just move into the bathroom because you literally have to pee again AS you are flushing. Continue reading