Jan 22 2017

The Space Between Baby and Boy

The Space Between Baby and Boy

We’re in it now, this space between baby and boy.

We’re teetering, delicately and precariously, a roller coaster in its graceful pause just before the plunge. It was a little rickety at first, climbing that steep, steep slope: Sleepless nights. Endless spit-up. Needless crying. I felt each click click click of the ascent. But for now, we are floating here, balancing above the next phase of your life.

With your sister, I didn’t realize it was coming. I just woke up one morning and she was a little girl. Somehow, in one dreamless night, her ringlets grew out, her face changed, her speech solidified. I didn’t know there was a space between until it was gone.

But with you, I recognize the signs. I feel fortunate that I can see it this time around, grateful for the opportunity to soak in every last minute of your babyhood. Continue reading

Dec 20 2016

On Second Thought, We Are Totally NOT Ready for a Big Kid Bed

On Second Thought, We Are Totally NOT Ready for a Big Kid Bed

Until just a couple months ago, our daughter was still in a crib.

Oh…um, is there a question in the back? Yes, you, with the impeccably pulled-together outfit.

How OLD is she, you ask?

*looks away, mumbles into back of hand* She’s thrmmhmm.

What? Louder? You can’t hear me?

She’s…she’s three and a half.

She’s almost four, okay?! She was THREE AND A HALF YEARS OLD AND STILL IN A CRIB. There you go.

I know. It’s a miracle we’re still allowed to keep her. Please don’t turn us in. Continue reading

Jul 13 2016

If “The Why Stage” Causes an Actual Nervous Breakdown, Please Send Help

If “The Why Stage” Causes an Actual Nervous Breakdown, Please Send Help

Well, I thought we missed it.

I thought The Why Stage would happen right around two-ish, when kids are SUPPOSED to drive you crazy, when language is shiny and new and words that are monosyllabic get preferential treatment. After P turned three a few months ago and it still hadn’t happened, I kicked back in my imaginary chair with an imaginary, umbrella-d Mai Tai and laughed and pointed at alllll the imaginary people.

WE MISSED IT, SUCKERS! You had to answer all those unanswerable questions, and look at me over here sipping my beverage! FLAWLESS. VICTORY.

And then along came almost-three-and-a-half. She woke up one morning, asked “Why?” when I told her to put on her pants, and it hasn’t stopped since.
Continue reading

Dec 17 2015

6 Surefire Ways Your Baby Will Save You Money

6 Surefire Ways Your Baby Will Save You Money

Newborns are notorious money-suckers. As I’ve mentioned before, you need GEAR. Even before that precious little bundle arrives, you will likely get swindled into spending approximately eight gazillion dollars on everything from furniture to itty bitty onesies to diapers (cloth or disposables? Discuss! …Just kidding. Worm can: opened).

Now that the holiday season is upon us, it might be a relief to know that your infant can actually save you money in all sorts of surprising ways. For the first few months post-baby, you can go ahead and budget far less in each of the following areas:

1. Pants. In general, pants are uncomfortable. Postpartum, they’re just absurd. Whether you’re caring for a C-section wound or just can’t button the damn things anymore, it’s time to shove anything with a zipper to the far reaches of your closet. Eventually it might be necessary to venture out and acquire some new ones, because birthing hips — but not right now, or for a long while. Plus, when you’re strapped to a couch feeding an infant every two hours, there’s really no need for pants. Or, you know, clothes in general. Wardrobe shopping sprees have been rendered pointless! And guess what that equates to? Savings.

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Oct 31 2015

It’s Halloween Day

It’s Halloween Day

I’ve never in my life experienced an eighty-degree Halloween — but then again, I’ve never experienced Halloween in California.

P didn’t care WHAT the temperature was. She has been counting down the seconds until she could wear her Elsa dress. This morning, when I went to get her out of bed, she knew the time had come.

“It’s Halloween day?!” she gasped. Everything is a day — she says things like morning day and evening day instead of just “in the evening.” No idea where she got that, but it kills me. Continue reading